Turning Thirty

by Uke's Not Dead

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Most people feel anxious about reaching the age of thirty, but not me. I've always been a miserable old bastard.


I’m turning 30 this year and now my life can finally start.
I’ve never felt young or cool; I’ve always been at least thirty at heart.
My hobbies and my interests consist of sitting down.
And watching “The Great British Bake Off” in my dressing gown.

I never cared for nightclubs, I prefer a quiet bar.
I've never had a Jaeger-Bomb I don’t know what they are.
I should have been out raving somewhere, off my face on coke.
But I'm convinced that dubstep was invented as a practical joke.

And it doesn’t help my fears when all of my peers talk primarily in meaningless onomatopoeias like, ‘BOOM! SMASHED IT!’
I don’t know what you’re talking about…

Now I’m turning 30 no more pretending. I don’t care my youth is ending.

When I turned 19 I realised something wasn’t right.
My floppy fringe annoyed me, skinny jeans felt way too tight.
It turns out what I lacked in substance, I also lacked in style.
I got an ill-advised lip piercing cos I was in denial.

At 21 I took a gap year to find my fellow youth
were just repeating clichés with no honesty or truth.
Their individualities reduced to empty shells.
Automata with haircuts taking photos of themselves.

I find it so confounding that everyone surrounding talks in internet slang, of which I’ve no understanding, like ‘TOTES! YOLO!’
I don’t know what you’re talking about….

Consider this new milestone as a wakeup call.
Cos nothing’s ever been or will be ‘amazeballs’.
And they say ‘haters gonna hate’ but at least I don’t equate to a series of tweets and Facebook updates.
I don’t care my youth is ending.

Could it be that I’m just building walls?
To save myself from unexpected falls.
Maybe I should compromise my pride,
face my fears and really live my life.
Were my twenties a series of excuses that have put me on a road to midlife crisis? And could it be my youth’s not ending?

So come on honey let’s do something amazing.
No more feeling apathetic or lazy.
Let’s fly to somewhere sunny, spend all of our money.
Let’s party like it’s a verb now honey!
Youth… Ending? I don’t know what you’re talking about…


released December 9, 2015
Steve Grainger - Ukulele, Lyrics, Vocals
Alex Caithness - Bass, Tambourine, Backing Vocals
Ben Holdstock - Cajon



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Uke's Not Dead Birmingham, UK

A folk punk comedy trio from the Midlands, consisting of
Steve - Ukulele and Vocals,
Alex - Bass and Vocals,
Ben - Box, triangle, other percussive geometry

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